Stream-of-consciousness driving

Today, I got behind the wheel of a car for the first time ever, and remained behind it for a solid three hours. Does anyone else think like this when they drive?

In the parking lot:
Okay. Starting off. Pull away from curb... All right. Driving around the parking lot in circles. Circle around... Where did that curb come from? Don't hit the cop car. Turn again. Brake! Gas. Brake! Turn... Okay, driving in a straight line. This is hard. I'm only going, like, five miles per hour! This is going to be terrifying at speed! Turn again... Don't hit the cop car! Switching directions? Okay, Mister Teacher. Right turns are harder than left turns. Now we stop before every turn? Sure. Slowing... stopping... turn signal... driving again... Don't hit the cop car! A few more turns... Easy-peasy! I'm getting good at this - Gah! Cop car! Good thing he has a brake pedal, too... Three-point turn? I don't remember that! Oh, good, he's telling me what to do. No! Curb! Cross to the other side... Back up... Gah! Where are all these curbs coming from? Now drive... Another one? Okaaayyyy... Oh! Now we get to drive around more of the parking lot! Nifty! There's a person behind that car, getting her stuff out of the trunk. Don't hit the person! She's going to run out in front of me or something, I just know it! Okay, past the person. Just keep driving... Wait, we're turning onto the actual road? Am I ready for that? What if there's a biker?

On the road:
This is not so bad. Just have to stay in the lane... But it is so narrow! There is a person there that wants to turn out onto the road. Please do not turn, lady in car. I do not want you to hit me. Okay, past that. Now we are on a narrower road. There are trash cans, and holy crap a dump truck! Whew. It missed me. I just know I am going to hit someone's mailbox. Keep more to the right. I would rather hit a trash can than a car. I would rather hit a trash can than a car. I think I am getting used to this! Maybe I should go a little faster. Why are you riding my bumper, Mister Car? I know I am going very slow, but I am just a student and you are making me uncomfortable. Stoplight up ahead. Release gas... break... Will the car ever not jerk when I stop? Oh, look! I know this street! So close to home... What is that you say, Mister Teacher? Turn onto the highway? If you say so. I will just check over my shoulder for oncoming traffic and... NO! Not off the road! Sorry about that, Mister Teacher. I will let you tell me when to shift lanes from now on. I have to go fast now... This is not so bad. They called me the wild roooooooose.... Da-da-da-dum~ Cool! I know the whole song now! Sort of. Time to get onto a different highway, Mister Teacher? All right. I will just check my rearview mirror, and - No! I almost went off the road again! Sorry, Mister Teacher. It is hard to see the mirror when you have to lean around to look in it, and then I have to lean to see past your head. Oh, I guess you are still telling me when to shift lanes, then... I wish there were more speed limit signs. What is the speed limit now? Sixty-five miles per hour? Goodness! I am only going forty! I think I should speed up. I will talk to that fellow at my new group next time we meet. He is just a boy, after all, and I am interested in somebody else. You did not signal that you were going to switch lanes, Mister Car! Shame on you! How fast am I going now? Almost eighty?! Slowdownslowdownslowdown... All right. Safe. How fast am I going now? Fifty? Too low. Rats. Speed up... My speed is constant when I keep my foot riiiiight here. But now we have to turn off onto another highway? All right. More highway, more highway... Seventy miles an hour! I think that is too fast! Slow down.... Speed up! Slow down... SPEED UP! This is hard. Next time I will not wear a clip in my hair - I cannot put my head back against the seat, which would be much more comfortable. He told me not to grip the steering wheel so hard. Maybe I should loosen my grip. Flex fingers... Deathgrip again! Oh well. Slow down! Okay, turning onto this rural road... Driving along, lalala~ It is so much easier to keep a constant speed when I am not going so fast! Why are there so many cars behind me? I am not going that slow... Oh, look! A large truck! I will get behind you, and everyone will think we are going slow because of you, not because of me. I am so clever. Do-de-do... Just another victim of slow traffic. Trucks, amiright? Oh, now I am far behind the truck... Rats. How did it get so fast? You are on the wrong side of the road, Mister Biker... But I did not hit you, so yay! There is a person that wants to turn onto this road. Please stay right where you are until I pass you, Mister Car... Oh, left turn? Wheeee! Stop light. Release the gas... brake... Brake! Jolt! Turn right. Back at the school. Park... I just sat in a car for three hours, and I wasn't bored at all! Cool!


There was, apparently, no room in my head for contractions. And soon I get to relearn all this with a stick shift car... Hooray for more complications!
Also, to anyone who rides the bumper of a student car (with a sign and everything!)... Shame on you! You know who you are.